My dear sweet Kinley,
There should be so much laughter in our home today. So much wonder and joy in your eyes. I imagine us singing you happy birthday and watching you blow out your candles. I imagine you opening presents and sticking bows on your perfect little head. I imagine your sister and your brothers watching you with laughter.
I wonder if you'd have curls like your brother, or very little hair like your sister. I wonder what your laugh would sound like. I long to hear your little voice calling, "Mama. Daddy."
So many dreams we had for you sweet girl. So much life we wanted to share with you. I'm so sorry that you're not here to enjoy your birthday with us. I'm so sorry that we couldn't save you.
I'm making you a cake anyway. We are blowing up balloons and sending them up into the sky for you. We are honoring your memory with gifts and donations in your name, but it doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't help the hurt. It doesn't stop the tears from flowing and the ache in my heart that is a Kinley shaped hole. A hole that can never be filled.
I've been looking at your pictures, but I don't need them to see your face. All I have to do is close my eyes and you are there. You're always with me, every moment of every day. Your new baby brother looks so much like you, all your siblings look like you.
My arms still ache for you sweet girl. I hope you know I'd give anything to have you here
with us.
I hope that somehow you will be with us today. Seeing your cake and your gifts, feeling the love from your family. You are so loved my sweet baby, so very loved.
Even though you're gone, you've given us so much. You lived such a short time, and yet you've impacted so many lives, and every aspect of mine.
I have you to thank for so many things...
You've brought Daddy and I closer to each other than we ever imagined. No one can understand what we feel more than each other and every day we try to honor your memory. We will never stop remembering you.
Each moment has so much more meaning since you came into our lives. It's so much easier to let the silly things go and focus on the important things. Time can be so fleeting, we have to make each second count.
Your baby brother is such a light for us, as I do the things with him that I dreamed of doing with you, I like to think you're here with us, right beside him.
From the second they placed you in my arms, I knew there was something different about you. I don't know how to describe it adequately, but meeting you made me believe in souls like never before. It was as if I could see your soul on the outside. This glow, this tangible thing, and it was glorious, undeniably beautiful. Perhaps that's why, when I look up at the stars, I search for the brightest one and I feel you there.
Daddy and I will always look for you in the stars. In the butterflies. In the moments of love and hope. Though we miss you and long for you, though our hearts are forever changed and broken, we see you, we feel you. You are forever with us.
So on this special day, your first birthday, though I will cry and mourn and miss you so, I know in some way you are here with us.
I love you, Kinley Eleanor.
Always.
Your Mama
No comments:
Post a Comment